Runs for Cookies: Three Issues Thursday #3

October 21, 2022 0 Comments

At my remedy session on Tuesday, my therapist and I had been speaking about my persistent anxiousness. I really feel a way of dread on a regular basis and I might do absolutely anything to make it go away. These days, it has been actually dangerous; I’ve one of many bodily signs the place it seems like somebody is squeezing my throat shut. It is even laborious to swallow. There is no such thing as a physiological motive for it; it is simply one thing that occurs when my anxiousness is excessive.

We talked about the place it stemmed from, however I am not going to get into that–it’s an extended story. However one of many issues that we talked about in an effort to get extra comfy with sure subjects is to consider writing about them. She stated I haven’t got to jot down them on my weblog, however one of many workouts she gave me was to consider issues that I want to do however have not achieved due to anxiousness.

So, I believed at the moment’s “Three Issues Thursday” could be a very good put up for it! I have never considered this earlier than, so I am simply winging it as I write. Right here they are–three issues that I want to do however will not do them due to anxiousness…

1) Be a working coach.

Technically, I already am–I’m RRCA-certified–but I’ve by no means used my certification to educate folks. (I clearly coach cross nation to third-fifth graders, however I am not counting that.) I want to work one-on-one with folks to assist them both begin working or to succeed in sure targets whereas working. I’ve gotten numerous emails from individuals who have efficiently used my working plans, and I really like listening to the suggestions. However for the reason that working plans are free, I do not really feel a lot duty. If somebody was paying me to educate them, I might really feel like their success rests on my shoulders.

I believe I might be excellent at teaching, however I’ve an excessive amount of anxiousness to truly do it. I might fear an excessive amount of about whether or not my shoppers had been assembly their targets and in the event that they weren’t, I might beat myself up, considering it was my fault. I am a perfectionist, so I might spend approach an excessive amount of time making an attempt to make every thing good.

I’ve had a number of folks e mail me and ask if I take working shoppers, however I simply cannot convey myself to do it. I might need the expertise to be good for them and if it is something lower than, I might really feel accountable. Perhaps that sounds ridiculous, nevertheless it undoubtedly causes anxiousness.

Once I bought my teaching certification in 2013

2) Write a memoir.

I am unable to even rely the variety of instances folks have informed me I ought to write a memoir. I really had written a primary draft a number of years in the past! However I knew I might by no means try to publish it as a result of I might have fixed anxiousness about studying evaluations. I do know that not all people loves each guide they learn (I am actually one in every of them) however studying criticism about one thing as susceptible as a memoir would simply be an excessive amount of for me. I take every thing to coronary heart and studying criticism about my insecurities would actually make me need to crawl right into a gap and conceal endlessly.

That is just like writing no matter I need to on my weblog. There are loads of issues I might love to jot down about or that might really feel therapeutic to jot down, however sadly, I fear concerning the response I might get. They could be no massive deal, however for some motive, sure subjects or concepts make me extraordinarily anxious to jot down about. Maybe it is as a result of there are folks I do know who learn my weblog, or as a result of I do know I’ll get destructive feedback that make me really feel insecure, or perhaps another excuse.

Writing susceptible posts all the time makes me really feel anxious, whatever the subject. Normally, I really feel so significantly better once I see that nothing horrible occurs, so I do not know why I’ve such anxiousness about it. And more often than not, I get a really constructive response from individuals who could also be going by means of the identical issues. Lots of people inform me they’re grateful for the susceptible posts I share. I simply want I had the nerve to share extra!

I actually like this little philosophy under, nevertheless it’s laborious to think about feeling such comfy with criticism. Perhaps sometime!

3) Go on a cross-country highway journey all on my own.

This one is not a lot as a result of anxiousness as it’s practicality, I assume. If I did not have any worries at dwelling and if cash wasn’t an object (ha!), I might like to drive all the best way throughout the nation all on my own. I might cease wherever I felt like stopping, and see no matter sights I felt like seeing. I would not have a cellphone apart from emergencies (and a digital camera). I might discuss with locals and hopefully meet some fascinating folks.

I would not share about it on social media or something like that. I’d simply maintain a journal and write about what I did every day. I might even decide up hitchhikers (this can be a theoretical journey, so do not lecture me!) and hearken to their tales. I might take all of the again roads to benefit from the elements of the nation I might by no means see in any other case.

Seeing Seattle from the Area Needle (not a highway journey, however undoubtedly enjoyable!)

Wow, writing about this theoretical journey makes it sound so romantic–I want it may really occur! However I might have approach an excessive amount of anxiousness about what’s occurring at dwelling and the way a lot cash it might be costing me, and I might really feel responsible doing it with out my household. It is only a dream that I by no means actually knew I had till I began itemizing it out right here, haha.

Properly, there it is–three issues that I want to do however cannot or will not due to anxiousness (and practicality). One of many main causes I began seeing a therapist once more is to work on my anxiousness and begin doing issues that “regular” folks do with out feeling so nervous about it.

I might love to listen to what a few of you want to do however simply have not had the nerve. Are they rational anxieties? Do you hope to do them sometime? Please share!

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