Runs for Cookies: Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 79
Bear in mind the put up I wrote just lately known as “On This Day”? It was on November 22–that wasn’t any special occasion to me, however I made a decision to put up photographs that I would taken on November 22 all through the final 20 or so years.
One of many photographs was of me sporting a crimson sock monkey onesie (pajamas) in 2015. I cherished these pajamas! However they obtained to be too huge for me and I removed them. I wrote on the put up that I want I nonetheless had them as a result of they have been so cozy.
Immediately, Jerry gave me a shock gift–another sock monkey onesie, an identical to my different one! He’d apparently learn my put up after which searched them out on Poshmark. I really like them 🙂 Nonetheless, on the charge issues are going, they simply might change into too small–ugh. Effectively, I am retaining them anyway.
Which leads me to my weigh-in. Each week I simply maintain feeling increasingly more discouraged. Upset. Nervous. Aggravated. Offended. Annoyed. Even detached generally.
Shock, surprise–the scale was up once more.
I used to be at 137. I am not too upset concerning the precise quantity; I am simply actually frightened that I will proceed to achieve like I’ve been for the final six weeks or so after which quick ahead a number of months and I will be proper again the place I used to be final 12 months.
A few months in the past, I used to be performed attempting to drop some weight and I simply needed to see if I may work out maintenance–something I’ve by no means performed earlier than. I used to be doing rather well, and it felt so NATURAL.
Till it did not. I do not know what occurred! I had lastly began to simply accept that I would truly maintain the load off this time–something simply felt so totally different about it–and then my urge for food turned ravenous. I’ve some concepts about what may have probably triggered it, however they do not appear very probably. (After I was tremendous stressed and overwhelmed, my urge for food was just about gone. So when a few of my stress was relieved, it is attainable that my physique was making up for it.)
I do know I am consuming an excessive amount of and I do know that if I proceed to take action, I will acquire again each pound I simply spent a 12 months and half dropping. It is miserable to consider it that approach! I do know folks will inform me I am being too exhausting on myself, and perhaps that is true, however I can not assist feeling upset that I am *nonetheless* coping with this.
Final week, I wrote that I talked with my therapist concerning the overeating and he or she gave me “homework”. A number of folks requested what it was; it wasn’t something mind-blowing. She simply gave me a worksheet and requested me to jot down down a number of notes each time I’d overeat or eat compulsively:
1) “One thing occurs” (Activating Occasion–in my case, overeating)
2) “I inform myself one thing” (Perception/Caught Level–in my case, “I will acquire again each pound after which be fats for the remainder of my life”)
3) “I really feel one thing” (Consequence–in my case, anger at myself and frightened)
Then, as a substitute of telling myself one thing like, “I will acquire again each pound after which be fats for the remainder of my life” –yes, I do know that is dramatic; I are likely to catastrophize everything–I ought to give you an announcement that’s extra productive. Telling myself I will acquire again each pound is not useful or productive–so I am supposed to consider a productive assertion as a substitute, whether or not I imagine it or not.
She advised me that this exercise might or is probably not useful, however I mentioned I’d give it a strive. And to this point, I have never discovered it very useful. I nonetheless have unfavourable and unhelpful ideas, and I am undecided what to switch them with!
Tomorrow, I am beginning a month-long problem of consuming solely entire meals. I used to be writing out a meal plan as we speak and I hadn’t realized that I can not have oil! It will be tougher than I assumed. I at all times cook dinner with olive oil, and it is form of a senseless behavior. However I believe this might be form of fun–another form of cooking journey. No added salt and no oil?
When going by means of my recipes as we speak, although, I spotted that a variety of them are already whole-food plant-based recipes. I will make a number of of these and I will check out some new recipes as effectively. I am simply glad that I can nonetheless have tofu. By no means in my life did I think about that tofu can be a favourite food–I truly crave it fairly incessantly!
Anyway, I am getting off on a tangent right here, and it is already previous the time I normally publish my posts (10:00 PM). I used to be portray the bed room and I did not understand how late it had gotten. I will put my sock monkey onesie again on and browse a few of my e book earlier than mattress. I *actually* hope that I’ve an excellent weigh-in subsequent week! (Even when I do not misplaced weight, I would prefer to cease gaining.)